I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
