Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
