i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
