I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
