I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
