i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
