What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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