I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
