Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I didn't notice because vodka
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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