I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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