i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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