i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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