four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
