i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
