The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
