You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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