Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
