Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
