i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
