Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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