Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
