flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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