totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
