i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
