sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You smell like stripper and shame
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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