i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
