Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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