you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
