I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
