Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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