those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
