oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
