I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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