I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm too high and old for this...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
