My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
