I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
