I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
