guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
