Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
God I need to hump something, right now.
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