Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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