i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
