is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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