so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it glows. i had to have it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
