it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
