Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and she was petting her beer can
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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