i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this boner is exhausting
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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