The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
