He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
