i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
