her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
