I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
